There are certain laws of etiquette that should be observed in public. Now, I'm not saying that you should always know which is the salad fork, or how to do the fox trot, but there are basic rules of conduct that should be observed, even in a medical setting. Yes, I know that you are going to see the doctor shortly to discuss what medication is best to get your dick hard or sooth your chapped ass, and this mindset might lower your inhibitions a touch, but really, save it for the exam room. So I have taken it upon myself to lay out a few pointers for those of you who may be behaviorally challenged; remember, it's never to late to get help...
1. Wait to get undressed until you actually reach the exam room
-This is not a race. You don't get a prize for being the quickest to get naked. Also, there's something creepy about a man who's getting undressed while following closely behind you. So if you find yourself unbuttoning your shirt or loosening your belt en route, please stop and wait until you actually get inside the room.
2. Bathing is not underrated
-Excuse me, how long ago did you make this appointment? 2 months? You couldn't get your ass in the bathtub with a 2 month notice? Enough said.
3. Flirty with the nurses makes you "nasty".
-Please don't hit on the nurses unless you are at least 85 and harmless, it makes us feel squicky. Especially when your wife is with you- you don't look cool, you look like a flaming asshole.
4. When asked a question about your medical history, answer it, asshole.
-I'm not inquiring about your health for kicks; either I need to know or I need to know that you know, so don't tell me it's "in the chart somewhere". I don't have time to go through your entire chart you freak, so stop wasting my fucking time and spit it out already.
-I don't know why people actually take things from the doctors office, but the going theory is drugs. When we find something missing we immediately try to figure out how it could be made into a roach clip. Barring that possibility we then attempt to explain how it could be used as a sex toy or for any other sadomasochistic purpose.
Ahem.
