DD

The third and final installment of pithy critiques regarding the men in my life (50 hours a week) surrounds the newest addition to our department, DD. DD started in June of '04, placing him firmly last in the pecking order. Besides having his own legitimate patients, he gets the overflow from the other two doctors (read: the patients that they don't want to deal with). There's been Cactus Lady (swears there are cactus needles growing out of her hands and have been for years since she fell on some cacti during a trip to New Mexico), Bat Lady (doesn't have any lights in her house because they give her a sun burn), Ms. Peri-Anal Warts (see below), just to name a few. Due to this and his painfully obvious need for validation, over time, he evolved into dermatology's Omega.
5'11", slightly balding with middling brown hair and closely set dark eyes, DD is barely on the heterosexual side of effeminate and has, quite possible, the worst halitosis I've ever had the misfortune to be exposed to. There are days when it's all I can do to stand still and finish my conversation with him and not go running for the hills. There are days when I am shocked his patients make it through the entire office visit without either fainting or throwing up. There are days when I give serious thought to suggesting that he register his breath as a deadly weapon with the FBI.
He means well, but he tries too hard, like all of us have at one point or another, I suspect.
Today, DD had an office visit scheduled with a patient that he has been following for about six months. We will call her the "peri-anal wart lady" or maybe PW for short. The first time she came in we were awed by the sheer profusion of wart covering her hands and ass. The going theory is that she transferred them from top to bottom (front to back?), but we could be wrong. She finally decided to seek help when the warts started to "obstruct her natural functions". Just to be clear, these are not genital warts, they are your garden variety that pop up on fingers and toes, albeit your larger and angrier kind. During her first appointment, DD decided to attempt to remove "the largest" warts from her anal area, and succeeded in doing, what was later described to me by the ashen, trembling and sweaty assisting nurse, as the largest "slicen', dicen', numbing, burning & freezing wart fiesta that there ever was". Oh my.