10 years ago: I was 20, dating a guy named Jason with Husky blue eyes and acne scars on his cheeks, who, looking back on it now, was probably cheating on me like, I don't know, every other day. Drinking like a fish at one of the only two bars I could get into was my favorite past time and I was living in a house in Baltimore owned by my father; my roommates included an anxious, co-dependent sister and a junkie brother. I was in a dark place, dying inside a little every day.

5 years ago: Ahhh, I was twenty five and my marriage was on a downhill slide; I assumed it would be over soon. We had just relocated to Cleveland, my daughter was almost a year old and she was truly the pure light of my life. I was being "haunted" by the ghost of my best friend who had been murdered the year before. Yes, I wouldn't have believed you if you had written that either, but it happened all the same.

1 year ago: We relocated to Florida a few months before and my marriage was the best it had ever been. My daughter started having "behavioral problems" and I had been working at my current job for about a month and a half. I was on Weight Watchers and doing well and weaning myself off of my antidepressant because it was exacerbating my anxiety. I love that word. Exacerbate. On first glance it looks like masturbate. Tee-Hee.

Yesterday: Went out to breakfast and had Eggs Benedict. Fuck Weight Watchers. We went to the movies and saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Some little snot nosed heathen sitting behind me was kicking my seat while her degenerate father guffawed at the top of his lungs.

Today: Found out that one of my favorite patient's step daughter died last week at 43 from a brain aneurysm. Her name was Laurie. She left behind a 5 year old son and a husband. The strangest part is that Laurie's mother died at the same age the exact same way. People say you gotta have faith to get through times like this but faith provides no answers to life's cruelties, and never will. My faith leaves me feeling incensed, not pacified.

Tomorrow: Tell as many people as I can that Thursday is my birthday and I'm turning 30, as to allow them the proper amount of time to prepare tribute to me. Those who overlook this important day shall suffer untold horrors.

5 snacks I enjoy: Raw veggies and Ranch dressing dip, Hostess Snoballs, Boiled Peanuts, Espresso Drinks, Cheese and Crackers.

5 bands/musicians that I know the lyrics to MOST of their songs:

1. Sarah McLaughlin
2. Sublime
3. U2
4. Rusted Root
5. Counting Crows

5 things I would do with 100,000,000 dollars:

1. Purchase an around the world cruise ticket, first class, for myself, my husband and my daughter on the Cunard. Hire an Au Pere to take her off of our hands during the cruise.
2. Cut back from full time to per diem and go back to school and join Doctor's Without Borders.
3. Revamp my entire wardrobe.
4. Have more children. (I'll just hire more nannies.)
5. Design and build a personal library.

5 bad habits I have:

1. Smoking on occasion. I would like to not do it at all.
2. My flaming temper.
3. Emotional eating.
4. Lying without even thinking about it under certain conditions.
5. Procrastination.

5 things I like doing:

1. Reading
2. Taking a nice, satisfying dump.
3. Skee-Ball
4. Taking pictures with my Sony Cybershot kick ass camera.
5. Nursing

5 things I would never wear:

Unfortunately, I'll wear anything I can fit into. The question should probably read: "The five things people tell me to stop wearing"

5 TV shows I like:

1. Nip/Tuck
2. X-Files
3. John Edwards Show
4. Ab-Fab
5. Mad TV

5 famous people I'd like to meet:

1. Dalai Lama
2. David Sedaris
3. Edward Leeskalnin
4. John Edwards
5. Ken Wilbur

I've taken the liberty of editing this piece down to a more manageable size, it's getting a little out of hand here.